Hi there!
My name is Karen and I started writing a blog for the first time in 1000 years. I used to have a blog when I was in junior and high school but somehow I stopped updating it. But, there are a few things I’ve had in my mind recently and it’s been urging me to write them down somewhere. So, I chose to come back to this blog world to express myself again.
Today, I’d like to say something I always have to note in my mind. My Golden Rule.
“Never expect anything from anyone.”
I don’t know why but I think I have this habit and fuck up because of it. I learned this when I was a kid; when I wanted my parents to play with me or go hand out with me but they didn’t, when I promised something with a friend but it wasn’t kept, when I dated someone nothing went well if I started expecting something from my boy, and I caused some arguments because I expected too much from my boss.
Before I start something new, I tell myself NOT to EXPECT ANYTHING but eventually, I start expecting something somewhere in my heart. Then you know what happens to me. I just fuck up.
I usually don’t cry, though I cried 3 days in a row at work this week. I just burst out without knowing any reason. I tried to figure it out and found that I was expecting my boss would tell me the information that I needed. I thought he’d guide me to somewhere we’re supposed to reach out. However, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t expect anything like that. I’m capable of asking questions, I’m capable of thinking about what I need/want to know, and I’m capable of driving him to become the one that I want him to be.
But I was lazy and didn’t do all those things. It caused a lack of communication. Not a fight but I got really upset, even though it was my fault since I knew I shouldn’t have expected anything from him.
I almost said, “I thought you would’ve known what I needed to do and would’ve told me to do it in advance.” but I didn’t because I knew THAT would cause a bigger problem. I knew it because I learned it in my life. I’ve fucked up many times because I said so.
Now, I’m a bit grown up since I know what I shouldn’t tell if I don’t wanna mess up. But I’m just too forgetful and sometimes expect something from someone.
Hope I’ll be a better one from tomorrow.
Peace.